I'll also only see the kid a fraction of the year anyways unless me and the mother live together, so giving up the job I want to still only be a part time father is a hard pill to swallow. It's hard for me to feel like I should sacrifice my dream career when she doesn't intend to. There's obviously a lot that can change and there's a good chance this might not ever happen, but the point is that she chose to have this kid, and right now she isn't planning to sacrifice anything. Her parents are supporting her in this plan. She still plans to graduate college, and then at some point she still wants to go to law school. That's just the nature of this industry.Īnd it's not like she is making any career sacrifices. If I don't follow a certain path in my early 20s, opportunities that I really want to have later in life will be closed off forever. I don't want to be a shitty dad, but I also don't want to sacrifice my career at this stage of my life either. I will also be working in a different city from where the girl and my child are for at least 2 years, so I won't really be able to see the child at all. For that reason, most people don't start a family in this industry until their 30s - which is exactly what I intended to do before this happened. After that, it gets slightly better but is still highly demanding. I'm talking 80-100 hour work weeks, weekend work, little vacation time, etc. The thing is, the hours are famously terrible in this industry, especially at the junior level. I am fortunate to have an internship for next summer at a company I really want to work for, and if I don't mess up this internship should convert to a full time offer. Second, I'm not really sure what to do about my career. If not, how do I be the best father I can when the two of us aren't together? Obliviously a forced relationship could just lead to more emotional struggle, but do you guys think it's at least worth the attempt? Her mom got pregnant at 19 and her biological dad has been pretty removed from her life, so I have no doubt that has impacted her view on the situation and of me. We slept together for a second time the day after I found out about the pregnancy, but since then she has been friendly but withdrawn and I feel as if she has closed the door to any type of relationship between us. I honestly feel like me and this girl have pretty good chemistry. But I'd like to at least try, because it would be best for the kid and would allow me to be more involved with its life. I have a couple things I want to get some advice on:įirst, should I pursue a relationship with this girl at all? I know we shouldn't force anything, and if we weren't a good fit I wouldn't push it further. I would have chosen abortion, and I kindly let her know this back in the first trimester, but she said that wasn't an option. She has brought me to multiple doctors appointments, sends me videos of the baby kicking, and all around has been really good about involving me.Īs supportive as I'm trying to be, I had no desire to have a kid at this stage in my life. I have let her know that I am here to support her in any way that she needs. I have been in touch with the soon-to-be-mother since, and we are on good terms. My ex then sent screenshots of the messages to me.hell of a way to find out you're going to be a father. She thought I had cheated on my girlfriend, so she created a fake Facebook account to message my ex and tell her about the situation. I found out because her mother saw that my Facebook profile picture had my ex girlfriend in it and thought we were still dating. The mother had no intention of telling me. The baby is definitely mine (we took a prenatal paternity test) and she has decided to keep it (she is in the second trimester now, so it isn't on the table anymore anyways). She thinks that the antibiotic she was on at the time counteracted the birth control (side note: is that a thing? I've always taken her word for this). She told me she was on birth control at the time, which is the only reason we had sex without protection. I got her pregnant from a one night stand. The girl is 19 and goes to the same school that I do.
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